post recovery without my Brigham

     Well, I knew this would happen and it still hurt more than I could have ever imagined.  I am now exactly 2 days after Brigham was born and I am having the wonderful post-partum symptoms but without my little Brigham to hold.  Sitting on ice packs, engorged and in pain, and then adding to is the knowledge that my sweet little Brigham's body is in some metal container at the mortuary.  The birth and even the death was such a sweet experience for all involved, but now physically being removed from him and knowing that it is a final thing, it is a hard pill to swallow.

     Today we went to the mortuary to figure out the details of the funeral... That was hard walking in those doors.  When we parked I couldn't get out of the car without saying a prayer.  Prayers are literally how I am getting by right now and I knew I would need the extra strength to make all the decisions that were necessary for my sweet Brigham.  We picked out the casket, planned details and looked at headstones.  We wanted to see Brigham's body with all our heart, but they had special chemicals on his head to help heal it for the funeral and we thought it might not be good to see him.  How could we be so close to his sweet little body and not see him...?.? This whole situation is just beyond my comprehension and I honestly at times feel like there is no way I can move forward and get through it, but I am somehow making it by everyday...every hour.... every minute.  My sweet Heavenly Father and Briggs is helping me get through. 

     Coming home today we noticed all these beautiful blue ribbons around our neighborhood, everyone had them tied around some tree or something in their yard.  I was touched and extremely humbled by all the wonderful love and support everyone has shown us.  Briggs truly has brought the spirit of Christ to all who knows him.  I love that this boy has touched so many lives and I am even more honored that I am his mother.  In the coming days I have more heartache to go through with dressing him, funeral, missing him, and so on.... but through this all I know I will get through it because my Briggs is on the other side cheering his mom on!!! I love you Briggs and I will stay strong for you sweet boy!