reality sets in....

     So I am trying to be more productive and get things done, but then it back fires.... So today I went to carters to return some outfits I got Brigham just in case he lived a little while.  I knew it would be hard and I waited a couple weeks because of the pain.  I got up the courage and walked in the door, it was quite busy today and I had to wait in the line for what seemed like eternity.  When I finally went up the cashier asked me why the outfits didn't work? I replied by explaining that we didn't need them for our baby anymore.  She then responded with asking if we needed a different size.  At that point I was a mess, the tears started pouring out and I could not stop them.  I was heartbroken and just thinking about the entire situation was just too overwhelming for my body to handle.  After we left the store Olivia asked me why I was sad.  I explained to her that the store made me think of Brigham and that I was sad because I miss him.  Her reply was, "I knew it mom" and then she gave me a big hug.
     I  know things and situations like this I am going to face on a daily basis, which will remind me of my reality.  This reality is sad and heart wrenching, but guess what....it is MY reality.  I wake up to it everyday and somehow I need to be strong and just face it.  Why couldn't I just have told the cashier that I had lost my baby.....??? Anyways, I don't know what the right answer is or if I am going about this all healthy, but I am trying to face the reality of my life and keep moving forward.  I wake up kneeling to my loving Heavenly Father and I try to get through the day without crumbling.  Getting through the day is a hard thing for me to tackle right now, but I am doing it and he is helping me conquer my Reality.

Dreams continue....

     Everyone in my household is having some crazy dreams.  I think when you are around death or experienced it to the core like we are now, it makes you think differently.  I have noticed I almost have anxiety with my girls now, I am so scared they are going to die.  I just worry something will happen to them since Brigham was taken from me so soon.  My nightmares don't make much sense, but they definitely have this overwhelming decision about death.
     Through this whole situation it was hard for us to know he was going to die and we had to make some crazy decisions even up until handing his body to the mortuary.  These decisions have been beyond what I thought I could handle.  But somehow we made it through each critical decision and we did it with Heavenly Father's help.   I know we made every decision with lots of praying and I know it all turned out how it was supposed to, but the "hope" in a mom's heart doesn't stop.  I think that is where my nightmares come into play, I am secretly still hoping for something.  I have dreams he is okay, I have dreams I take his dead body home with me before the funeral, I have dreams of searching for him at a hospital.... All these dreams ecompass a deep hope of keeping him here on earth, which I was not given that privilege of having.
     Adam is having dreams as well and he is also trying to sort through the pain of missing his boy.  I can't imagine the pain he is going through when he thinks about his precious boy Brigham.  He had all these plans with him and now that fall and football season is around the corner, I know it is a dagger in his heart for him to think of not having Brigham here for that.  But he also is getting through the dreams, and I know it is from Heavenly Father and Brigham on the other side helping him.
     Olivia is crying almost every night..... It is hard to console her at times, and the only thing that usually helps is us saying a prayer to Heavenly Father and Brigham.  I told her if she misses Brigham she can say a prayer and he will be able to hear her.  I also told her he is watching over us and is always there to give us comfort when we are sad.  She loves to look at pictures of him and we made a book that she looks at right before bed that helps her feel better as well.  She also has the Brigham Bear that she snuggles, which is something tangible that she can feel and hug.  Anyways, She came in my room in tears the other night because she had a dream a whale came and ate me.  I was a little taken off guard by the story, but it is similar to mine where she feels like I am going to die now.  I comforted her and then she went back to bed.
     Asia on the other hand told my sister that she gets to see Brigham every night at 9 pm.  My sister asked her a little more and she said, "yeah, I get to see Jesus holding Brigham every night in my dreams."  I know Asia has been blessed by seeing little Brigham and I bet the veil is so thin for her.  I picture Brigham in our home and comforting us every day, but I bet it is more real for Asia.  She has talked to me multiple times about Brigham and how he is with Jesus and I can't but help think that she is closer to him than we think.
     I know these dreams are odd, but they must be part of the healing process.  Even with hard dreams and waking up in tears at night and recovering physically, I know that Heavenly Father is truly blessing our lives everyday.  I can feel his blessings in my home and with my children.  I can feel Brigham close when I am so deeply hurt and confused.  I can feel the guidance of my Savoir when I read my scriptures in the morning.  Through this whole experience I have gained a stronger testimony of my Savior.  I know he died for me and I know that because of him I will see Brigham again.  He will be mine and I will get to raise him someday.

In the eyes of a child...

     From the day we found out we were pregnant both girls have loved little Brigham so much.  They were so excited to have him come and be able to snuggle him at our house.  When we found out about his diagnosis at our 20 week appointment I don't think they understood the entire situation, but over time they understood beyond their years.  Olivia told me while pregnant, "that we need to take care of Brigham while he was in my belly and then he would go up to Heaven and Heavenly Father would take good care of him."  Even while they knew that he would not be with us at home after he was born, they still loved him and wanted him.  Throughout the entire pregnancy they felt his kicks, watched him on ultrasound, listened to his heartbeat, sang to him, talked to him, and all around loved him in my womb.  We could not have loved someone more than our little Brigham in my belly.
     It was priceless seeing the girls come in the hospital room and meet Brigham for the first time.  Their faces said it all and they were in love with their little brother.  They were so excited to touch him, hold him, snuggle him and that is exactly what they did.  Almost the whole time we had him with us our girls were right there holding his hand and taking selfies with him.  Olivia could not let him go, even though she knew his spirit was in Heaven.  It was the connection she had with his body and the physical touch of holding him in her arms.
     When we had to give him to the mortuary 24 hours after he was born, our sweet Olivia was beside herself.  We said a family prayer in the hospital room and then we each had time to snuggle him and she was beyond consolable.  She wanted him and it was hard for her young mind to understand why we couldn't keep him.  When they took him, she was literally screaming, "I want to be with Baby Brigham!!!" It just broke our hearts.....when we got in the car after, the only thing that calmed her down was singing "Families can be together forever" and giving her the Brigham bear we made for her.
     The morning after she started crying again and has episodes ever since.  It reminds me of myself and the mourning that I am doing with missing him near us.  She got through for a few days because we told her that we would see his body at the mortuary.  After that came, then we told her we would see his body at the funeral.  But once we had to close that casket there were no more chances of seeing his physical body.  As we closed the casket the pictures showed Olivia's sweet little hand holding Brigham's hand the entire time.  Even until the end she was connected to him and she was proud to be his sister.
     Olivia started crying when I put her to bed tonight and she said she wants to be with Brigham.  She has been really missing him lately and I made her a photo book that she looks at multiple times a day.  The questions come and I truly hope and pray I am answering them correctly.
She said tonight, "Mom, when I die will my body be in the ground and my spirit be up with Brigham in heaven?"
I answered by saying, "Livy that is right, but you will live a long time with mommy and daddy and then when Jesus comes again we will all get resurrected and we will get to be with Brigham again and his spirit will be reunited with his body."
She smiled and with relief she answered,"Oh really, we will have him here with us?"
 I answered, "yes."
Then she said, "Mom, Jesus already died and came, why would he come again?"
I explained to her that at the end of the world he would come again.
     This sweet little girl knows so much and is searching for answers as of why our her little brother had to go up to heaven.  I was happy that this conversation started with her crying and ended with her smiling while snuggling her little "Brigham Bear" as she fell fast asleep.
     She is a sweet and sensitive girl and I am constantly amazed at her strength throughout this whole thing.  She makes sure she wears her Brigham shirt almost everyday and bracelet.  She has a Brigham Shelf where she keeps all the stuff she has made for Brigham and things that remind her of him.  Her new favorite color is "Brigham Blue" and she loves to color everything blue.  She makes lots of pictures of Brigham and our family.  This last week she made a picture and told me, "Mom, this is what Brigham would have looked like if he lived."  She drew this picture of a curly haired boy with a blue shirt and a big B on it.  I wonder if the veil is thin for her and she knows Brigham more than we think.  Either way, Olivia is blessing our lives right now as we got through this hard experience.
     Asia has been a strength to us through this whole experience as well.  She told us today that she sees Brigham at 9 pm.  Amy my sister asked her more and she said, "Yeah, I see Jesus holding Brigham when I sleep."  She goes to bed at 9 pm and so I think that is why she said 9 pm.  She has been so sweet through this whole thing and really just says what she is thinking.  Just like her sister her new favorite color is "Brigham Blue" and loves to get Brigham blue snow cones.
     While Asia was on the potty the other day she said, "Mommy, your belly is flat... You don't have a baby in there anymore huh mom?"
I answered her, "Yeah, Brigham isn't in my belly anymore, remember we saw him?"
She said, "Yeah mom, Jesus is holding Brigham in heaven remember?"

     Overall, these girls bring so much peace and love to my heart right now.  They are both constantly saying prayers to Heavenly Father asking to bless Brigham and help him be with us.  They know he is our little angel and I know they can feel him close.

Miracle, God answers prayers

     I had him for me in my womb for 34 wonderful weeks, feeling him kick and move all along the way.  I was planning to go another 3 more weeks, but after multiple procedures from dangerous complications from the pregnancy we decided to be induced.  Being induced was a hard, but prayerful decision and after it was all done, we knew it was the right decision to make.  If we would have waited even a couple weeks the doctor said I would have had an emergency c-section, not to mention his anencephaly was getting worse as well as higher chance of stillborn because of my high fluids.
    Throughout the Labor it was a huge witness to both Adam and I that we had been blessed to get him here alive.  We had multiple tender mercies one right after the other to reaffirm God's wonderful love for us.  His little body was enclosed in 2 seperate amniotic sacs, which provided insulation and safety throughout pregnancy and labor.  My water didn't break, it leaked out--which kept me being safe. After going from 5 to 10 in about 10 mins, the doctor made it fast enough to deliver.  After both doctor and nurse not knowing the orientation of baby, if it was feet or fingers they were feeling he came out being breech which also saved his head from any trauma.  He then came out completely engulfed in the second sac (1 out of 80,000 births), which again protected his head from trauma.
     Miracle after miracle our sweet little Briggs came alive and lived for a glorious 35 mins.  I don't think it wouldn't have changed anything in God's great plan, but I think it was a tender mercy and an answered prayer to Adam and I.  We had been praying for him to be born alive the entire pregnancy and we knew after multiple ultrasounds his anencephaly was more severe and that the chances were very low, but we kept the faith.
     Seeing my sweet Brigham die and burying him in the ground brought much sadness, but throughout the entire journey I have come to know that Heavenly Father Loves us personally.  He wants Adam and I to be happy and wanted to help us feel that by letting Brigham live a short amount of time.  Some people might see this differently, but to me I know Heavenly Father answered my prayer because he loves me.  He didn't save my son, but he gave us multiple or countless blessings along the way to help us feel his perfect love.
 

Day after coming home without Brigham

Waking up to both girls singing families can be together forever. Olivia came in and said she wants to go see baby Brigham's body at the cemetery. I explained that is his body was in the ground and I hope she got what I was explaining.  when we went to the cemetery to bring him cookies and a note from Livy, she did great. Bitter-sweet picking up his death certificate at about the exact time he passed away exactly 1 week ago today. Then we went to the cemetery right after. Adam and I sat on the grass and talked to each other and it felt peaceful to have his body securely in the ground, unlike when he was at the mortuary. We said a prayer together and said goodbye to our Briggs.

     Today overall was hard and it felt at every turn I made I was reminded of not having my Briggs with me. Liz came over and made me breakfast and we hung out, which was fun. It was a good break from my reality. I loved holding kasey, but of course while holding her my milk came in. I am struggling with controlling my milk. I have been in so much pain with being engorged... I am taking anti-histamines, sage, lecithin, ice packs... And so forth, but I think because it is my 3rd time around my body knows what to do, even though I don't have a baby to feed.

     Anyways, I was rocking and singing to kasey and got her to sleep. And I was overwhelmed thinking about how I never and will never on this earth get the chance to snuggle rock and sing to my Brigham. It made me start crying and then I had an overwhelming feeling that he was there. I know I was rocking my Brigham today and he was there listening to me singing to him. It was the best feeling I have had in a long time.

I love that every hard turn I have to make during this journey I can feel my sweet Brigham close.  

Letter from Dad

Briggs,

When your mother and I found out that you would be joining our family, we were ecstatic.  I told your mom that I thought you were a girl, even though I was secretly hoping for a boy.  When the nurse told me you were indeed a boy, I was super excited and immediately began to plan the adventures we would have together.  

Your older sisters were thrilled to hear the news as well, and so were your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  As you know, you have close cousins on both sides of the family, and we knew you would be loved, watched-over and adored by many.

Your mom and I decided to name you Brigham, and call your "Briggs" for short.  We have liked this name for a long time, as it has historical reference to one of the great leaders of our Church, who lead the saints through a tremendous time period.  We also thought it'd be a fun name since BYU has had such a significant influence in my life.

When the doctor told us that your visit on earth would be a "brief" one, it was a very hard pill to swallow.  I had already planned out our times to play ball, to ride bikes, to camp, play golf, stay at the cabin, talk about missions and simply just hang out.

As hard as it has been for your mother and I to process the tragic news, we want you to know that it hasn't changed how we feel about you.  You are a member of our family, just like your older sisters, and we love you just as much.

In fact, we've recently come to learn the special role you play in our family.  Already, you have influenced many people.  We made some shirts with your name on it, and celebrated YOU.  Wearing your name helped us do some fun things, like hold a real alligator, launch water balloons in a park, and catch Livy's first fish.  

Lots of others have celebrated you along the way with us, and it's taught your mom and I a lot about LOVE.

When you were born, you came out completely enclosed in the Amniotic sac.  This is called an "EnCaul" birth and is extremely rare.  Throughout history, those born still enclosed in these sacs have been associated with “good luck”, and were predicted to be destined for greatness.  Caulbearers, as they call you, were also seen to be messengers sent by a higher force to guide mankind in matters of a higher, spiritual nature.  How appropriate for a boy like you!    

Most babies with your prognosis don’t make it here alive, but you proved them all wrong and were with us for 35 short minutes.  I’ll never forget when you squeezed my finger, and looked me in my eyes.  You fought so hard to live, just so we could be with you for just a few minutes.  Thank you so much, as that meant the world to me!

We are going to miss you like crazy, but I can make you a promise that a day won't go by that I won't think about you.   We will keep our heads up, and live a life “Brigg Strong.” Your spirit will be in our home, and we promise to speak of you often.  

I only ask of you to keep special watch on us.  Life can be a challenge, but we will watch for you beyond the veil, to be our angel.  Remind us of God's plan, of the Atonement, and of our family bond that will live and carry-on forever. 

So while we say goodbye for now, we know you are still with us, and will be forever.  You are our son -- my son -- and nothing can change that, not even death!  And I promise I'll try my hardest to live my life that would make you be proud to be my son.

I love you Brigham.  Rest in Peace, until we meet again.

Love, 

Dad

Letter from Mom

Dear Brigham,

From the day I found out I was pregnant with you my heart was filled with joy. I had been waiting to get pregnant so I was so happy to know it was finally happening.  I got sick while pregnant with you just like your sisters. I did decided to quit my job at the hospital and focus on making us both healthy around 12 weeks when I was on the verge of getting Iv fluids. I have been a nurse for a long time and that tends to be what I like to do, nurse people back to health.  

At our 14 week ultrasound we found out you were a little boy. Your daddy was so nervous he was sweating like the day we were going to be married. I knew you were a boy before the ultrasound tech announced it and I was so excited. Your dad started crying and we were over joyed that you were coming to us. We announced to the whole family that you were a boy by having your dad act like he was going to be choosing a team to play for. He had 2 baseball hats and he said some stuff and then announced he would be playing for team boy!!

When we found out about your diagnosis my heart was shattered. Me and dad both fell to the ground in despair. But as we prayed and continued in faith, you blessed us more in my womb than I could have ever imagined. I found so much comfort and peace with having you in my belly.  You were a mover and loved to let me know you were in there.  Olivia, Asia and I would feel you and just start laughing. They said you had a "lot of muscles" and you definitely liked to show them off in my womb. The doctor said babies with this condition do not move a lot, but this didn't apply to you.  

When we found out we bought shirts that had "Team Briggs" on them and decided to make and do everything to honor your life, even if it was only in the womb. We went on our "Brig-cation" and showed you all the special places that we wanted you to see.  You had so many people that loved you and supported us along the journey.  

I treasured everyday I had you in my belly, because that meant you were still mine. You brought a spirit into our home that was so sweet.  I knew you were special from the beginning and I wanted to do everything in my power to give you the best life you could have, even if it was only in my womb.

I started having some complications with high fluid.  But every week you kicked harder, you moved more and we knew that no matter what came you would fight through it.  Every week I would go to the doctor and check that you were okay and it brought such peace to hear that strong heart beat.

After a few months, We knew that you were going to be meeting us soon and it made me sad knowing that day could also be the first and last time I would see you.  The day came and we were blessed throughout the entire labor, you were such a fighter and made it out alive.  You looked at your daddy right when you came out and held and squeezed your daddy's hand.  After you were blessed you were sang to by all our wonderful family.  You lived an amazing 35 mins and it was all surrounded by family that truly adored you.  Even the nurses and hospital staff felt your spirit the entire stay in the hospital.  We got to hold you for 24 hours and I can't tell you how much I loved holding your sweet body.

Now that you are with our Heavenly Father I have missed you beyond words and will always yearn to have you here on earth, but with all the heartache I know you are watching over me, your dad, and your sisters.  I feel so honored to have carried you in my womb and be your mom.     I promise I will live my life in a way to be with you again. You have shown a lot of people about love and taught us all about this wonderful plan Heavenly Father has for us. Olivia , Asia and me and your dad love you dearly.

Love,

Your mom

Funeral for our little Brigham

  Today was so emotional and I didn't think I would be able to get through it, but with all support I did it!  We woke up the girls to go and they both said to me, "I am sad I have to say bye to Baby Brigham."  Their sweet tender hearts are so sensitive right now and I just feel helpless sometimes.  I do know that when I am confused at how to answer them, the go to is saying a prayer, and instantly we all feel better and more at peace.  Anyways, so we finally got in the car and got to the church about 8:45, Little Brigham's body had already arrived and the viewing room looked amazing with all the decorations and flowers that all the sisters  and friends and grandmas did.  

     Trisha did decorations, Liz did flowers, Mary made feet charms to add to all of our sister necklaces.  Shara did amazing job on programs, Megan and Lisa helped out so much with the girls the last few days and all the grandmas pitched in like crazy.  The boys dug the grave last night and have all been such great support to Adam.  Adam's cousins-Melinda and Mandy pitched in and did videography and amazing photography.  Amy has cleaned my house multiple times and watched the girls to help.  We have also received so many meals and encouraging notes from so many people.  Overall, I have felt so much peace and love because of all the support from my family.  Not to mention all the friends that have brought endless gifts and the constant love we feel from the entire ward.

     As I walked into the viewing room I had so much emotion come over me.  This day was going to be hard and I just knew it.  I wasn't sure if it would be as hard as when we had to leave Brigham at the hospital, but it was definitely a final step that we had to make.  Olivia and Asia both got up on a chair and just admired him.  They both looked at their beautiful brother with so much kindness and love.  They truly adore him and I wish so bad they would be able to be his sisters here on earth.  Even though they won't, I know that the influence Brigham will have on them in this life will be irreplaceable.  We put some things in the casket for our little boy and had some family pictures.  We had our family sign 2 baseballs and we put one in and we kept one.  Team Briggs wristband and Olivia and Asia made him a bracelet and a beautiful picture and we put a picture of Olivia, Asia, Family, Adam, me, and his best one.  Then Adam and I put the letters that we had wrote to him. 

     He looked so good in that casket, I was so surprised at how beautiful he still looked even though it had almost been a week since he died.  We had cotton to fill in his hat and his outfit was a beautiful one piece with 6 buttons on the front.  He had beautiful Booties from Sister Slagowski in my ward, and my mom bought his outift and nice blanket that went over him.  We put a onesie underneath and socks just to make sure he was snuggly, I was surprised how the preemie onesie fit him perfectly.  He was such a big kid for his age.  He was my perfect son and will always be.

     As people started coming in the viewing my heart started beating a little faster.  I was getting so nervous for that pivital moment when I would have to watch them close the casket for good.  I knew no matter how bad I wanted to freeze time that would eventually happen.....anxiety kicked in a little and I searched out for my Dad.  I just needed a hug and a little pep talk like he has done so many times in the past.  When I went to him the tears started coming, he was having a hard time holding it back as well.  He helped me compose myself and then we continued with the viewing process.

     We we gathered the family in Adam got to say the family prayer for our little boy.  It was sweet and heartfelt and I know Brigham was there in the room comforting us as we listened to a emotional prayer from a loving dad.  Family then came through the line one by one and then we had to say our goodbyes.  The girls all grabbed his hand and said we love you baby Brigham.  I wanted to grab him out and just squeeze him, but instead I rested my hand on his chest and expressed my love to my sweet perfect boy.  Adam leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek and we started to wrap the blanket around him.  After we wrapped him I had to unwrap him just a little to see his hand and hold it one more time.  After wrapping the blanket around his face and over his body they were about to close the casket and I wanted to stop them with all my being..... In my head I was saying STOP..... that is my boy.....I want to see him.... but the reality of it is that no matter how long I stared at him he would not come back to life.  He was gone from this mortal life and it was and is such a hard pill to swallow. 

     The lid was put on and the water works began.... Adam and I both hugged eachother with all our hearts and then Adam picked up the casket and we all followed into the chapel.  As we entered the chapel it was full clear to the back.  I was overwhelmed at how many people came, it had to have been at least 200, because he had 150 programs and they were all gone.  I felt a lot of eyes on us as we walked down the isle, but it didn't stop my crying... it just kept coming.  By the time we sat down my emotions were a little better.  Here was the program:

Opening prayer-Michele Welch-grandma

Opening song-Lead Kindly Light

Chorister-Carolyn Smith-Grandma

Talk-Hans Jacobson-grandpa

     My dad was very emotional and cried which was such a tender sight to see.  He did such a wonderful job and talked about a sailor steering their boat in rough winds.  He said us as parents were strong and kept the faith.  He bore a profound testimony of the plan of salvation and that our Brigham still lives and that we will be reunited someday.

Song--Our Angel Brigham by mom(piano/vocals) and Dad(cello)  

Talk-Tim Welch-grandpa

     Dad did such an amazing job and touched my heart.  He said that if Brigham was here he would say to his mom-Thank you for not giving up on me.  That through everything I didn't give up on him, even when doctors advised me to abort.  Then he said Brigham would tell his dad that he was so honored he was his son and appreciated all that Adam did to honor him.

Song-Families can be together forever-Olivia

Letter to Brigham from Mom

Letter to Brigham from Dad

Bishop Martin-remarks

Pres. Terry-quorum of the 70

     Pres Terry taught some remarkable things, but at the end he gave us a apastolic blessing over the pulpit.  He promised that when we see a temple, go in a temple, or pass a temple we will feel Brigham close to us.  He went onto say how the Quorum of the 12 and 70 give their love and support and I couldn't help think about my letter to Pres Monson.

Closing song-I feel my Savoir's Love

     During the song Olivia got all teary eyed and said mom I miss Baby Brigham.  I could tell she was feeling the spirit with the beautiful song and I think she is so tender she gets overwhelmed by it sometimes.  

Closing prayer-Lori Jacobson

      After the ceremony in the chapel Adam carried sweet Brigham and we followed and all grandparents and us got to ride over to the cemetery with Briggs in a limo. The graveside service was very sweet and Adam did great on the dedicatory prayer. After the prayer we all gathered together and we all sang "families can be together forever."

      After the prayer a lot of people went back to the lunch, but a few family and us Stayed to finish the burial process. Adam laid his small little casket in the ground and they brought nice soft dirt over and we were able to shovel it and cover the casket. Adam, grandpas, brothers and nephews started covering it. Then I wanted to shovel as well. It was such a spiritual moment for everyone involved as we quietly covered his grave. Adam and I were the last ones to leave his grave and we bowed our head in a prayer to thank our Heavenly Father for letting us be a part of our sweet son's life.  Brigham has truly taught us so much about love and what life is really about. I would have loved and will have always wanted to raise him here on earth, but that was not what Brigham needed. As parents we felt at peace that we gave Brigham exactly what he needed. I feel that from the sacrafice we had done for him, he would and has blessed our lives tremendously in return.

    Adams dad and us returned to the luncheon and reunited with our beautiful family who has supported us all along the way. They have truly been amazing. Everything was so beautiful and we made a slide show with music and pictures that was playing during the luncheon which brought such a sweet spirit into the room. We had a great lunch with sandwiches, salads, chips, and cake that was provided by both our Provo ward and the American fork ward that Adam grew up in. We had about 200+ people show up to the service and about 90 people stay for the lunch. 

     After we said our goodbyes we drove past our little Brigham's grave and stopped right there and said hi and bye to our little guy. His grave looked so good with the blue and white flowers on it. One of the arrangements had a big B and a BYU football in it which Adam loved!  On the way home it started raining and it actually was beautiful to see the rain come down so strong. We had cried a lot that day and it was as if our Heavenly Father or Briggs was crying back. But with crying and rain, the rainbow will someday come.  I know that heavenly will bless us with a rainbow and we will be eternally blessed by having our sweet Brigham in our family!  My friend Triana passed our house after the funeral and she said there was a beautiful Rainbow right above our house.  Here is a picture of that beautiful Rainbow.