memorial day!

     We went to the cemetery to visit grandpa Lee with the whole family.  I knew we were going to go to the cemetery where our little Briggs would be buried, but I tried to prepare myself for what feelings I was going to feel.  I was okay at first and then I saw a sweet precious baby's grave and I lost it.  I had to walk away from the headstones and let it all out, it is amazing what feelings you are holding in especially in times like this.  It was good for me though and I am so grateful we went there. Adam and I both feel that Cemeteries are so sacred, we could both feel the veil so thin like as the temple.
     I got to talk to Olivia in the cemetery when we were looking at this little baby's headstone and She was telling me and her cousins, "This is like where Briggs will be buried.  He is going to go up to heaven, but his body will be under this stone."  She went on to tell me she loved the little foot prints that were on the headstone.  Olivia continues to surprise me and give me such peace and confidence, which seems so backwards to me.  I am her mom and should be showing her how to get through this, but time and time again she is portraying an amazing example of what Christ would do in this situation.
     I am now 27 weeks and when I was measured 2 weeks ago I was measuring at 32 weeks.  I will go into the doctor tomorrow and be measured again.  I am definitely bigger and I have a sinking feeling that it is because of my excess fluid.  This is quite common with these babies, because they do not swallow properly and fluid builds up. I pray that I will be able to make it full term and that my water doesn't break before because of such high fluid volumes.
     I pray about a lot of things lately....including holding this baby alive, bringing him home(to bring his sweet spirit in our home), going into labor naturally, and having this whole experience be okay for my sweet little girls.   These prayers are full of faith, but not faith in what I want to have happen; but ultimately I have faith in what God's plan is for me.  I am trying to do everything right in my life and prove to Heavenly Father I am trying, but with all that I know there is "God's will" that will ultimately decide these things.  I have come to be okay with that!!! From the beginning of this diagnosis I did not want to interrupt Brigham's life and God's plan for him and I felt that I did not have the right to shorten this sweet boy's life.  Things have not changed now and I am wanting for things to play out how they are supposed to as much as possible.  I am growing and learning through this whole experience and I hope that I will continue to do so.