rainbows come after the rain

     Today we had a good day, one of the best days so far.  We went to the gym, grocery shopping, finished shots for Olivia, signed her up for kindergarten, had a wonderful dinner, and ended with a treasure hunt on the golf cart in the rain.  While we were out looking for treasures, which we found, we saw a beautiful rainbow.  The girls found it and were so excited and have been talking about rainbows all week.
     In my life right now I feel as if I am in a rainstorm, but I am searching so deeply for the rainbow.  I can't see clearly now in my life, but I will get small tender mercies that come and help me see little windows of clarity.  I have heard that if you lose a baby the next baby you have is called the rainbow baby.  I know it will all come and that I will get pregnant again someday, but knowing all of that does not give me my Brigham.  He has been moving a lot lately and I truly love it!!! My world stops when he kicks and I just hold my belly and try to treasure every moment I have with him.
     I went to the doctor this week and he measured me at 25 cm, which is a little bigger than I am supposed to be.  He said it was still within normal limits, but we will need to watch it closely because of the risk for high amniotic fluid.  He was the doctor that told us our diagnosis in about 1-2 mins and just walked out.  He is a very good doctor, just missed some of the personal skills that doctors should have.  This appointment he said if he would die in the womb it would most likely be around 28 weeks.  To him it was just so normal to say that, but to me it was as if someone was ripping my heart out.  This was so routine and impersonal to him, but to me this was my life... my boy.... my all.  That has been one of the hardest parts about this; trying interpret peoples comments and phrases and not take things personal.
     Overall I am grateful for this day and what this day brings to me is the hope of seeing and having a rainbow after the rain.  Lets hope I can keep my faith like my daughter and just expect that beautiful rainbow that will come someday!