Day after coming home without Brigham

Waking up to both girls singing families can be together forever. Olivia came in and said she wants to go see baby Brigham's body at the cemetery. I explained that is his body was in the ground and I hope she got what I was explaining.  when we went to the cemetery to bring him cookies and a note from Livy, she did great. Bitter-sweet picking up his death certificate at about the exact time he passed away exactly 1 week ago today. Then we went to the cemetery right after. Adam and I sat on the grass and talked to each other and it felt peaceful to have his body securely in the ground, unlike when he was at the mortuary. We said a prayer together and said goodbye to our Briggs.

     Today overall was hard and it felt at every turn I made I was reminded of not having my Briggs with me. Liz came over and made me breakfast and we hung out, which was fun. It was a good break from my reality. I loved holding kasey, but of course while holding her my milk came in. I am struggling with controlling my milk. I have been in so much pain with being engorged... I am taking anti-histamines, sage, lecithin, ice packs... And so forth, but I think because it is my 3rd time around my body knows what to do, even though I don't have a baby to feed.

     Anyways, I was rocking and singing to kasey and got her to sleep. And I was overwhelmed thinking about how I never and will never on this earth get the chance to snuggle rock and sing to my Brigham. It made me start crying and then I had an overwhelming feeling that he was there. I know I was rocking my Brigham today and he was there listening to me singing to him. It was the best feeling I have had in a long time.

I love that every hard turn I have to make during this journey I can feel my sweet Brigham close.