With God nothing is Impossible

     Today at the gym I cried while trying to do weights, but I was listening to one of my favorite songs.  This song is called, "With God nothing is impossible".  Just hearing the title could give comfort to someone in need.  I honestly can't even express the heartache or despair that I have felt since knowing my son won't live, but with all that heartbreak there is a knowledge that is deep within my body.  This knowledge is exactly this--God will help me get through this.  I am still hurting so bad inside, but I do know that I can get through this! He is truly there and if I can keep that faith I will be able to carry my son the next 5 months knowing he will die.  I will be able to somehow find joy in the sorrow when I think of the funeral yet to come.  Lastly, with that faith I then can maybe find solace when I am dry heaving in the sink, because I have been too depressed to eat and my pregnancy nausea has taken over.  This knowledge will hopefully carry me through this whole experience and more.
     I have always known that gospel is true and having this has always given me comfort.  But not until this point have I been in the depths of despair and had to put this knowledge to a true heart wrenching test.  This test will stretch me to the very limits and if I don't break, if I stay strong to the faith I will be changed for the better.
     This special Brigham really needs me, he needs me to stay healthy, happy, and strong.  My two other kids need me to provide an environment for them that is good and happy.  I am trying to face this sad truth, but with all that still be able to function in my day.  "function" has a new meaning to me now, before this experience things would set me back, but I could still function, NOT THIS!  This is a whole new kind of sadness, where I would just stay in bed if I could. Reality is--I can't.... I have too much positive and wonderful blessings to let me break down.  My beautiful girls give me more comfort than life itself.  They put hope in the sadness, they put life back into my lifeless feeling, they put smiles back on our faces.  They are truly my tender mercy from God.  I know that it will be hard, but I truly do believe that "With God nothing is impossible!"